Ten Ways to Torture a Tired Leader

May 6, 2009

My friends Kristen and Denise of Homeschool Group Leader have a sense of humor.

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You have to be able to laugh at human weaknesses if you are a homeschool leader.

Here are their 10 Ways to Torture a Tired Leader:

Top 10 Ways to Torture a Tired Leader!
  1. Don’t Listen ~ Talk all during the announcements, the meeting discussions and while your leader shares important information.
  2. Be Clueless ~ Ask your leader repeated questions about the information that you didn’t just listen to. Send them one-line questions in individual emails spread out over time.
  3. Fill Other Members’ E-mail In Boxes ~ Send your repeated questions and comments to everyone on the list, filling all in-boxes, instead of only the in-box of the leader to whom you’re writing.
  4. Quit at the Last Second ~ Volunteer to help with, or better yet–lead–an activity, then back out at the very end, leaving it all for the leader to complete.
  5. Gossip ~ Discuss the leader’s clothes, kids, home life, homeschool, and leadership style –openly and with great fervor.
  6. Complain ~ Never be happy with the place, the decisions, the agenda, the trips, the teachers, or the way the leader looks at you.
  7. Show Up Late ~ Choose carefully the events that need to start at a specific time and strategically and systematically show up 15 or 30 minutes late.
  8. Never Help Clean Up ~ Don’t stay after any event and help clean up. After all, isn’t that what the leader is there for??
  9. Don’t Watch Your Kids ~ Let them run wild or talk while someone else is talking. Then get offended when someone asks them to be quiet or to sit down.
  10. Be Demanding ~ Always express your opinion as fact. Be sure you speak every time someone else does, making sure that your frustrations and wants are very clear each time.

Recognize anyone?  Maybe you at times? Some of these are too close to the truth to be truly funny!

Carol Topp, CPA

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Conflict and Leaving a Homeschool Group

April 8, 2009

We have a situation where a mom feels her teen daughter is being “left out” by the other girls in the class.  It “hit the fan” yesterday when the mom yelled at one girl to leave the class, threatened that the other girl was next.

How does one get to the bottom of this? The family who has the child who was yelled at would like to quietly step down and leave the group. She’s been involved for 5 years -I’d be heartbroken to lose them!

All with only 2 weeks left of the quietest, smoothest co-op year ever!
Oh, help, help, help!
Lisa

Lisa,
Sounds as if a lot of  emotions and hurt feelings rose to the surface.

I wrote an article on Conflict in Homeschool Groups. You may read the entire article at Heart of The Matter Online. Here is part of what I say in the article:

Confession and Reconciliation

Some offenses are too large to be overlooked, perhaps because a relationship has been painfully damaged. In this case, confession and reconciliation between parties is needed. Reconciliation is gently restoring the relationship and it may involve confession on someone’s part. Each party needing reconciliation should ask themselves,

  • Have I said something unkind?”
  • Have I gossiped about the person or problem?”
  • Have I tried to control others?”

Confession to the other party maybe necessary in order to restore a relationship. Reconciliation isnot merely confrontation; it is restoring a relationship. Remind members to ask for God’s wisdom and a gentle spirit before they approach the other party. Each party should aim to be clear and specific.

Merely complaining about another’s behavior rarely helps a situation. The goal is restoring a relationship, not blaming or accusing others. Members should use “I feel” statements such as “I feel like a scolded child,” to explain the hurt feelings a member may suffer.

Using creativity through stories to make your point can be very helpful. An excellent example of using stories comes from the Old Testament prophet Nathan in II Samuel Chapter 12. He had the unpleasant task of confronting King David with his sins of adultery and murder. Nathan wisely used a story of a poor man with only one lamb to help David see his own greed.

I used The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande.  It’s a GREAT book and highly recommended. The Peacemaker.net website has some helpful articles from Annette Friesen, their Homeschool Advisor. Search on “Homeschool” and you’ll find an article titled Preparing Homeschoolers for Conflict.

Mrs Freisen says that when a person is offended, (and several people were offended in your situation) they desire three things:

1. An apology
2. Restitution if applicable
3. Reassurance that it won’t happen again.

I think you should work on #1 with the parties involved and perhaps the board could work on #3 if policies are needed.

BTW, I discuss conflict in my book, Homeschool Co-ops: How to Start Them, Run Them and Not Burn Out and have several sample conflict resolution policies that other homeschool groups use.

I hope that helps!

Carol Topp, CPA


Carnival of Homeschooling/Dealing with Conflict

January 28, 2009

This week’s Carnival of Homeschooling: The Adventure Edition has a wide array of posts to educate, inspire, challenge, and entertain you!  http://www.tiffanyblitz.com/blog/archives/651

My post on Resolve Conflict: Take a PAUSE is included.

Happy blog reading!

Carol


Resolve Conflict: Take a PAUSE

January 15, 2009

Conflict-it happens in any group of people and homeschool groups are no exception! Maybe it’s worse in a homeschool group because homeschool parents are typically independent-minded, confident people.  Its a wonder we get along with each other at all!

Peacemaker Ministries has a suggestion to dealing with conflict, remember to PAUSE.

  • Prepare (pray, get the facts, seek godly counsel, develop options)
  • Affirm relationships (show genuine concern and respect for others)
  • Understand interests (identify others’ concerns, desires, needs, limitations, or fears)
  • Search for creative solutions (prayerful brainstorming)
  • Evaluate options objectively and reasonably (evaluate, don’t argue)

babyonbackWe had an example of this at our homeschool co-op recently.  There was a disagreement between our nursery coordinator and one of the mother’s about how to clean the toys in the nursery. Both ladies showed genuine respect for the other’s concerns (Affirm).  They agreed that safety of the children was important to both (Understand). Where they differed was that the nursery coordinator wanted to use only natural products, while the mother, a physician, was concerned that the natural products wouldn’t kill the germs and wanted to use stronger chemicals.  These ladies did research, gathered facts and shared them (Search).  They looked for creative solutions.  They chose to focus on the problem-cleaning the toys without endangering the babies-and they avoided the temptation to lash out personally or gain control (Evaluate options, don’t argue). They did bring our co-op director into the situation, so that she would know what was happening (Prepare).

Our co-op director told the board that several options were being considered and that the two ladies were working together on a solution.  She raved at how mature and respectful they were to each other. Unfortunately, we did have a problem with other people in the co-op. Some people not involved in the discussion were inflaming the issue by interfering where no interference was needed.  Sometimes we need to remember to PAUSE and to mind our own business.

Carol Topp, CPA

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Good Advice for Starting a Homeschool Group

October 23, 2008

Veronica  at The Homeschool Classroom had some excellent advice in her post titled How To Start a Support Group.

Methods of communication — Some groups rely on printed newsletters; others, solely through email. Because I love the Internet and my friend likes the telephone, we decided that I would start up and run the Yahoo message board and info blog, and that she would handle telephone calls.

I love how the two founders split of the tasks based on their strengths. If only one person did all the work, there would be a lack of communication and possible leader burnout.

Veronica has a lot of other good advise that applies to all homeschool groups, not just support groups. She mentions:

  • Writing a mission statement
  • Writing down ideals and setting some aside
  • Making decisions about how to lead the group and where to meet
  • Advertising
  • and praying for your group

Read her entire post at The Homeschool Classroom here

Carol Topp, CPA